Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
