I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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