Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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