Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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