I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
