I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize