My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
