I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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