Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
vagina is talking i cant
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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