But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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