What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
