who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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