is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
