you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Your dad touched me again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
