We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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