He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
porn star boner night. come get it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
