if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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