cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
