Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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