He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
