The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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