I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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