i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
