well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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