just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
