I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
