oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
