We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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