The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
