You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
