Ambien. No doubt about it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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