I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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