sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
