apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
