Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
