somebody snuck up and got me drunk
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
