She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize