Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize