So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
