I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
