no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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