My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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