I love black thongs
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
