Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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