If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
