Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
