There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
