Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
