Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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