3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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