she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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