My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
