I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
