So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
