i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
