I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
