is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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