At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I look better un-naked...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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