its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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