There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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