I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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