i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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