I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
