Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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