I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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