Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My cat gives me a boner
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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