I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
